Way to impress or confuse clients-Buzzword writing method

use Techno vocabulary. It can be called the " Buzzword " writing method. It is simple.

There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

0. Balanced 0. Management 0. contingency
1. total 1. Organization 1. Hardware (or software)
2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection
3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame
4. synchronized 4. digital 4. concept
5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming
6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility
7. functional 7. Incremental 7. capability
8. parallel 8. third-generation 8. flexibility
9. systemized 9. policy 9. options

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: "integrated modular capability". Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you; it won't mean anything to anyone else either, but they'll think you're just smarter than they are so they won't say anything!! ..

You can propose "systemized reciprocal options" (929) to achieve "optimal transitional flexibility" (568), so that we can think of an "integrated monitored projection" (232)

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

India in 2030 discussion in IBM USA

Year : 2030

Place : IBM , USA (Two Americans Talking)

Currency Conversion Rate : INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100


Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?

John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.

Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.

John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.

Alex: How long it took to get it stamped?

John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I went there at 2 AM itself and waited and returned by 4 PM.

Alex: Really? In India , it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA

John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.

Alex: So, when are you leaving?

John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India.. Sort of dream come true.

Alex: How long are you going to stay in India ?

John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India , my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta ..(green card)

Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India .

John: Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.

Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad , Bangalore , Chennai and Mumbai.

John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.

Alex: Where did you get the offer, Bangalore ?

John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 2000/- for a single room accommodation.

Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- =$100/-. Oh God! what about in Chennai, Hyderabad , Mumbai?

John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Bangalore . It is like the world headquarters of software

Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.

John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs.7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.2, 00,000/- but has got a lovely design.

Alex: By the way, who is your client?

John: Subba Rao and Appa Samy Associates, a pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software.

Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Body shoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India . Indian companies pay you in full eve n when you are on bench.

My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most livable place in India , probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system.

John: Yeah man! You are right. I hope our America also follows their footsteps.

Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?

John: Why not? >From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York . At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.

Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.

John: Yeah, I will be traveling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, Abhishek, Akshay and all. Esselworld is also near Bollywood.

Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year; he may then relax the number of visas.

John: That's true. Last month, Narayana Murthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at a Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Bangalore. Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person.

Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy' s Infosys

John: He is a hard worker man; he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.

Alex: OK, Good Luck John.

John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a "Kurta Pyjama" because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will never come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say "Namaste, aap kaise hai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.

Sachin's out of form == pontings form, then sachin form==?

AMAZING RECORD,AND THEY SAY HE SHOULD RETIRE!!!


ponting 128 5014 46.00
gilchrist 123 4429 38.18
sachin 99 4157 45.68
gayle 111 4032 40.72
yuvraj 131 4012 39.33
hayden 96 3831 44.03
symonds 123 3829 47.86
smith 99 3587 39.41
clarke 118 3512 44.45
kallis 93 3237 48.31
gibbs 96 3138 39.22
inzamam 94 2801 40.59
martyn 95 2737 41.46
dhoni 91 2653 43.49
kevin 66 2389 49.77



These stats are runs scored after the 2003 world cup.
if you see this SACHIN is the THIRD HIGHEST scorer.
but if you analyse it closely you will probably get these points.

1.check those who have scored more than sachin

->ponting 5014 runs in 128 matches.
If sachin had played 29 more matches[that is 128]
he had to score 857 more runs to beat ponting at an average of 29.55 runs per match.I think sachin is more than capable of doing it.so SACHIN CAN BE ABOVE PONTING.

->gilchrist 4429 runs in 123 matches.
If sachin had played 24 more matches he had to score
272 more runs at an average of mere 11.33.
SO SACHIN ABOVE GILCHRIST.

2.now check those who have played less matches than sachin.

->hayden 3831 runs from 96 matches.
to be above sachin he has to score 326 runs from 3 matches at
an average of 108.67[he can break sachins record of most runs in a year if he does that].I feel a minimal prob for this.SO SACHIN CAN BE ABOVE HAYDEN.

->kallis has 3237 from 93 matches.
to be above sachin he has to score 920 runs at 153.33.
that is impossible.SO SACHIN ABOVE KALLIS.

->gibbs has 3138 from 96 matches.
he has to score 1019 runs at 339.67 per match!!!
SO SACHIN ABOVE GIBBS.

->inzamam 2801 from 94.
he has to score 1356 at 271.2!!!
SO SACHIN ABOVE INZI TOO.

->martyn 2737 from 95.
he needs 1420 at 355!!![he has retired]
SO SACHIN ABOVE MARTYN.


SACHINS STRIKE RATE 83 DURING THIS PRD


->dhoni 2653 from 91.
he has to score 1504 at 188 per match!!!
SO SACHIN ABOVE DHONI.

->kevin pietersen has 2389 from 66.
now this comes close.he needs 1768 at 53.58 per match .
this is possible considering his average.but still it is tough to sore 54 runs per match consistently.


SO SACHIN IS THE BEST BATSMAN IF YOU CONSIDER STATS AFTER 2003 WORLD UP.THIS IS THE SAME PERIOD WHICH SACHIN WAS SCRUTINISED MOST SAYING THAT HE WAS OUT OF FORM,HE SHOULD RETIRE AND SO ON.

Many will have arguments saying symonds,dhoni,clarke,yuvraj etc bat at 4 or 5.But considering the fact that SACHIN TOO BATTED AT NO:4 FOR MOST OF THIS PERIOD THAT HAS TO BE NEGLECTED.

ANOTHER CASE FAVOURING SACHIN IS THAT HE WAS HAMPERED BY INJURIES DURING THIS PERIOD WHILE PONTING AND OTHERS WERE AT THE TOP OF THEIR FORM.

IF WE CONSIDER 2003 WORLD CUP ALONG WITH THIS THEN SACHIN WILL BE WELL AHEAD OF EVERYBODY AS HE WAS THE HIGHEST SCORER SCORING WHOPPING 662 RUNS.

STILL SACHIN IS BEING SCRUTINISED AND THE MEDIA SUGGESTING THAT HE SHOULD RETIRE.WHY...WHY???


PLEASE SUPPORT SACHIN ,HE IS A GEM BIGGER THAN THE KOHINOOR.THOUGH KOHINOOR HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM INDIA GOD PROVIDED US WITH AN EVEN BIGGER GEM.WE IDIOTS ARE TRYING TO SELL THAT!!! ..PLEASE SUPPORT HIM NOW,WHEN HE IS PLAYING.OTHERWISE YOU WILL REGRET ONE DAY HE RETIRES.



Sachin's out of form == pontings form, then sachin form==?

Surprising Lake in Burma

Cellphone Miracles

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for

survival. Check out the things that you can do with it: -

1

EMERGENCY

* The Emergency Number worldwide for **Mobile** is 112 ...* If you find

yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an

emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to

establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112

can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. **Try it out.**







2

Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote keys?

This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone:

If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call

someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person

at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on

their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your

keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away,

and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you

can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: *It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"*





3

Hidden Battery power

Imagine your cell battery is very low , you are expecting an important call

and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve

battery. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with

this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This

reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

AND



4

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:


* # 0 6 #

A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your

handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone get

stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They

will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the

SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.

You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

No smoking please

Complicated English

Read the paragraph below...

and try to understand the meaning.

Then look for the answer below. Test yourself first.


'Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic
protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement
of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact
size of which was unspecified.

'One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe
damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure;
subsequently, the second member of the team performed
self-rotational translation, orientated in the same direction taken by the
first team member.'



ANY GUESSES WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT???



Answer:






'Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after!' :)

MNC ways of killing a Lion

TO KILL A LION, COMPANIES FOLLOWS METHOD

Keane Method:

Hire a lion....
Place him in "QRU"(Bench) for 1 year
Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder

Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......


Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more ........

TCS method:

hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration


IBM's metbod:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....
he dies of unemployment. ..

Syntel Method:-

Hire a Cat ....
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:

hire a lion ..
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :

hire ...sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....


Patni method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....


Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........! !!!

Accenture Method:

Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

HUAWEI Method:

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
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INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION.....
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
............ .......... ......... ............ ......... KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
...........................................LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
............... .......... ........ ............ ......CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
..........................................MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
............ .......... ......... ............ ......MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE ...

SACHIN TENDULKAR –“COMETH THE TIME, COMETH THE MAN”

"I was very very struck with his technique and I asked my wife to come and have a look at him because, I said, I never saw myself play but I feel that this fellow is playing much the same I used to play by looking at him”. Can you guess whose words are these??

These are the laudatory remark of the world’s greatest cricket SIR DONALD BRADMAN praising the little master Sachin Tendulkar.

Sachin - the name itself will strike terror for the oppositions. No matter if it’s the world champions or the minnows. He is India’s pride and the world’s envy. Representing team India from 1989, this eminent cricketer has scored more than 25,000 international runs and 78 International centuries. There is nothing this maestro cannot do - he is a belligerent opening batsman for one dayers, a credit worthy middle order batsman in test matches and a bowler who can bowl right arm medium pace deliveries, legbreaks, offbreaks and even googlies.

He is the youngest cricketer to wear a test cap for his country - Sachin Tendulkar was all of 16 years old when he took on the mighty Pakistanis in the first test at Karachi. He didn’t score much but straight away the signs were all there. He was not a flash in the pan but he had arrived and he was there to stay. He proved that when he flapped down a spunky half century on a moving greenish track in the 2nd innings of the 4th test against Pakistan. He had bailed the Indians out of trouble and availed them to save the test match. Sachin further enhanced his development into a master batsman during the 1991-92 tour of the Aussies which included an unbeaten 148 in Sydney and a world famous ton on the pacy and bouncy track at Perth.

Since then it is all Sachin’s show till now. He has performed deeds that border on the unimaginable in both forms of the game scoring 37 test and 41 ODI tons. He is undoubtedly the geek of world cricket for almost 2 decades. Every time he walks into bat, he carries the hopes of a billion people who look to him as the lonesome provider of hope in a nation surrounded by gloom, despair and politics and a nation so implausibly starved of heroes. Sachin is the ducky of the masses not just in India but the world over.

It is very hard to find a player with talent, power and modesty for eons and eons to come. Every one is saying cricket is a religion. If the statement is true then sachin is without question ‘the god of cricket’. “COMETH THE TIME, COMETH THE MAN!!!”. It is obvious that Sachin Tendulkar stands for Indian cricket and in fact for world cricket.

-Deebak Mohan